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What
to do if you are organised and your
partner isn't! |
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A Valentine's Day
Story
When I asked my friends and family
for their decluttering dilemmas, I had responses
varying from paperwork in the home office to
tackling Tupperware in the kitchen. One
recurring challenge that really struck me
however, was the problem of what to do if you
are organised and your partner isn’t.
Being part of a mismatched couple is quite
common. By “mismatched,” I mean couples where
one of the people in the relationship is clean
and organised and the other person in the
relationship is messy and disorganised. |
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This doesn’t necessarily cause a problem unless
at least one of the two people has animosity
about the difference. |
When considering moving in with someone
(romantic or otherwise), a person’s level of
tidiness and cleanliness should be part of the
equation. Maybe this should also be part of
pre-marriage counselling?
If you’re already in a living arrangement and
are disappointed by your partner or roommate’s
level of order, it may be time for a little
chat.
We all know that yelling and passive aggressive
behaviour doesn’t help, but taking the time to
sit down and have a calm and sincere
conversation has a better chance of yielding
results.
Here are some points to remember:
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No nagging
- Treating someone with
disrespect is never a good option.
Either the person honours what you
say the first time you say it, or
they don’t. |
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No bringing
up the past - Set a time
limit for how long after something
happens that it can be discussed
(like two weeks). If you don’t bring
up the frustration within that time
limit, you have to let it go. Also,
if you’ve already discussed
something, you don’t bring it up
again to rehash over and over. |
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Discuss the
real problem - If you’re
upset that your boyfriend repeatedly
leaves his underpants on the bedroom
floor your frustration has very
little to do with the underpants.
You’re upset because you believe he
doesn’t care about the cleanliness
level in the living space. |
Sometimes, the person who is messier than the
other doesn’t care if the house is tidy or
clean. When this is the case, and if you’re the
one who prefers a more orderly home, prepare to
take on full responsibility for cleaning up
after the other person. This may sound unfair,
but think about the pent up resentment it will
save.
Happily do the work because you’re the one who
gets the sense of joy from an organised space.
If that pair of underpants in the middle of the
bedroom floor annoys you, just pick them up and
put them in the laundry basket. The five seconds
it will take you to move them are less than the
time you will be angry with your boyfriend if
you don’t move them. |
Another solution is putting some systems in
place to deal with the mess where it happens.
For instance, I have introduced a “docking
station” in my home; a small table for car keys,
sunglasses, wallets, spare change, handbag etc
to be dumped as soon as you come in the front
door. My husband and I know exactly where our
personal items are and it stops the age old
questions and arguments over “where did you put
the car keys/my glasses, why can’t I ever find
any change for the paper?” |
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You just
need to think about how you live and
find solutions that meet your actual
needs and those who live in the space
with you.
Another great idea is to designate clean
rooms or messy rooms in your home. The
lounge room is usually a “public space”
that visitors would see, so this means
it must be free of clutter. Whereas
visitors would rarely come into your
office or bedroom so they can be a bit
less stringent with a once-a-week
cleanup.
Finally, if you’ve tried all of the
previous options and nothing is working
for you, try seeking outside help such
as a professional organiser or if the
problem is more relationship based,
maybe a couple’s counsellor. It could be
in the form of a cleaner twice a month.
Let someone else handle the deep
cleaning so that the light work is less
of a burden and it gives you more time
to enjoy together. |
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